Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Shut up and you'll get out faster.

I was just at the dentist. It was basically a pain free experience, except for when the hygienist polished my teeth. I hate that.

When I was little, the legend goes, that I actually threw up on a hygienist because (partly) she used bubble gum flavored toothpaste. After that, I had a huge note on my chart telling the hygienists to use only mint.

So, as I sat there, with my mouth open and mind wandering I started thinking of questions I'd love to ask her.

Can you tell what type of food people have recently eaten when you clean their teeth?

Can you tell the difference between a vegetarian, vegan, or traditional eater, because of their teeth?

But I just lay there quiet and still, because I knew that the more I talked no matter how thoroughly entertained by my questions, the hygienist was, I would be there longer. And that was not something I wanted.

I still had one burning question to ask, a comment really. I thought to myself, do it for the blog!

I enjoy this poster of the puppy tacked up on the ceiling, but would you consider instead putting up a poster of David Beckham? That would really make my dental visit more enjoyable!

But in the end, I decided to just keep quiet. She had power tools and knew how to use them. But I think I have a very good point. Next time I will look for a Suggestions box.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

You'll always remember your first.

You may have noticed some slight changes to my blog. I had the lovely CamiKaos change my header a wee bit. I had her remove the images of the vibrators. She says it's naked now. And frankly, I think she's right. So then why? Why did I ask her to take them off?

Well, I realized that if someone came to this blog for the first time and saw them, they really wouldn't understand what was going on. While my dear friends and loyal readers might get it, might laugh along with me, I don't want to confuse my future friends and loyal readers. So. They are gone. But, I will miss them. And I will always remember.

and laugh my ass off.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Help move it along

My parents are moving from an apartment on the South Park Blocks (near Portland State University) to a swanky condo down near the waterfront. TODAY.

So, as I quickly throw on some helping my parents move clothes, I will share with you a few tips I have learned from helping other people move.

1. Wear comfy, closed toed shoes. Sneakers are the best, but any sturdy yet comfortable shoe will do. (This is also a good idea for when you go to a Home Improvement store-there's nothing worse than having a box of nails fall on your poor exposed toes.)

2. Bring some snacks that don't require utensils or plates to eat. I'm bringing some Lara Bars and Costco Trail mix.

3. Don't bring extra stuff with you. I'm leaving my laptop at home. Not just because my Dad accidentally disconnected the wireless access either. But because it creates one more thing for me to have to keep track of.

4. Be prepared to return to your home and feel a little disappointed. My parents have a spectacular view. Two spectacular views actually. I'm sure I will be a little jealous. But I'm pretty sure I will be welcome at all family gatherings, so I know it will work out.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Shuffle your feet, lose your seat.

Or, in this case, your butt.

I hate to admit it, but I was inspired by Holly and her semi-recent marathon addiction, so I have signed up to do the Kaiser 5 Miler walk that precedes the Portland Marathon on October 5, 2008. In preparation for the event, I have roped in CamiKaos and some other brave souls to join me.

I've been trying to exercise more and plan on doing a 3 mile walk this weekend in Vancouver (while my husband studies for a test). I need to get some new sneakers and need to figure out how to carry snacks with me to counteract possible insulin reactions, but I am ready.

I've also been using Traineo (hat tip: Steven) to log my weight and exercise activity. (They have pretty graphs.)

If you want to join us for the walk: follow this information.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Stop inventing things to do to avoid the important.

I was just reading a magazine and came across this tip: Write down on a post-it:Am I inventing things to do to avoid the important? and refer to it every time you think you might be off track.

I thought it was a brilliant idea. So I stopped what I was doing, cleared my agenda for the day actually, so that I could tell YOU this vital information.

(Take a shower? Nah. No one ever gets close enough to really notice. Do some advertising for Treasurelicious? Nah. That can wait. Eat lunch? Nah. Food is for losers.)

Now that I've finished telling you this important information, I'm off to knit some cozies for my spice jars. Apparently it keeps them happy.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Contribute to the good of others

I was at the library the other day and I came across a magazine that I hadn't seen before. I knew after looking at it for about 10 seconds that it was a winner. So I grabbed all the ones in the stack and took them home to read.

Apparently, Ready Made Magazine has been around for a while, even pre-dating the current Green is good fad. So, as I was devouring the issues, I noticed there was a section where they use reader's ideas. If you submit ideas and they publish it, you get a FREE YEAR'S SUBSCRIPTION.

So I jumped on that train, ASAP. These are the tips I emailed to them:

Save old toothbrushes to clean out the nooks and crannies on your personal massager, marital aid, etc., Just make sure to label the toothbrush well and to store it away from where you keep your normal toothbrushes.

Need to grab for something in the middle of the night, but don't want to turn on the light? Use leftover cosmetics/skin care bags (the silkier the better) to store lip balm, personal massager, etc., and place in your bedside table. No need to turn on the light the next time you want it, just feel for the silky fabric.

I will keep you updated to see if I won a free subscription, or if I've been blacklisted.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Find Free Money

3 quick ways to get some money for free!

1) Contribute to your company's 401(k) up to the employer's DOLLAR FOR DOLLAR match. This folks, is free money.

2) Bring your old but fashionable clothing/items to a consignment store. What would have ended up at Goodwill or *gasp* the trash can make you CASH.

And finally, quickest and easiest...

3) Check out the Unclaimed Property site (in the U.S).

Blackmail also works, but is way too time consuming, in my opinion.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

It's OK to like the Pussycat Dolls

Yes, yes...these are the things I think of at 1:24 AM went I can't sleep (thanks a lot, Iced Chai Tea Frappuccino).

You see, my husband dozed off at 9 PM, which left me lots of time to myself. I read 3 magazines, wandered around the house a bit and then turned on the T.V. Lucky me, I found Fashion Rocks 5!. So I watched. My mind wandered. And I watched.

And then the announcer mentioned that the PussyCat Dolls were coming up next. So I waited. (I'm sure we all did). And watched.

And I realized. It's Ok to say you like the Pussycat Dolls. It's Ok to say you watched some episodes of The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the next doll and even a bit of Girlicious (but only because it sounds so much like Treasurelicious).

Yes, they look like glammed up prostitutes, yes, they can't all carry a tune, their music videos are horrid (then again, one of my favorite dance music videos is Pat Benatar's Love is a Battlefield). But some of their music makes you want to move, inspires you to shimmy a little, even if you are only sitting at your desk.

Their confidence, their belief that they can: sing, dance and not fall over/fall out of their tricky ensembles is all something worth noting.

Don't cha think they at least deserve a chance? Don't cha?

Monday, September 8, 2008

Try out transumerism

No, I didn't make that word up. Yes, I love the idea.

Transumerism, refers to people who forgo permanent ownership of possessions in favor of renting. (Or so says, the Body & Soul magazine from March 2008 that my Mom just gave me.)

Wondering if you are a transumer?

If you use Netflix or rent videos, you are a transumer.

If you borrow books, or other items from the library, you are a transumer.

If you get magazines but read them and pass them off to your neighbors, the gym or the local community center, you are a transumer.

What they don't mention, is the name for someone that gets a bit of a high off of returning the items back to their owners.

Hello, My name is Missburrows and I am a habitual transumer.

Hey, it's cheaper and less lethal than drugs and alcohol. Plus, I don't have to store all that paraphernalia that comes with it!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Get it out of my house!

I don't like clutter. I don't like useless things. So while my husband was away on business I cleaned out my closet. Anything that didn't fit, was too matronly or was just simply unflattering went in to a pile.

From that pile, I culled things that I thought a consignment store would be interested in.

At the same time, I've been selling things on Craigslist that we no longer use. Rugs from years ago? Good-bye! Luggage that we only used once. Adios!

And to make the purge even more fun, I brought all the yogurt, cottage cheese, and ricotta cheese tubs I'd been saving since Portland announced they would now recycle them, and brought them to the foolish CamiKaos (foolish for offering to let me do this).

So I'm set for now.

However, those Magic The Gathering Cards keep looking at me funny. They'd best behave themselves or they will be next.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Use your freezer to help the environment

So everyone composts, right? What? You don't compost!!! Shame! Shame!

(I'm just kidding. But do expect to have rotten tomatoes thrown at you on the street if this ever gets out.)

Anyway. I try to compost as much as I can, but I cannot stand leaving peels, pits and such sitting around waiting for a trip to my Urban Compost Tumbler out in our back yard.

So now, I have a container in the freezer, apply labeled, COMPOST, where I put the food bits until I have time (or a much larger amount of things to compost). Then, I grab my COMPOST container from the freezer, and make one trip, often adding an entire bag of shredded bills, in to the composter. I give it a good spin and say goodbye until later.

No bugs inside. Good bugs outside.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Share what you learned

A few weeks ago, Martin, I and the majority of the Kaos family went to the Portland Zoo.

Here is my presentation of what I learned:

When you find the right person to spend your life with, you will know. Hold on to that person as hard and tight as you possibly can, even if they turn blue from not getting enough oxygen.
(OK, maybe not the tight part, but you get my drift.)

You never know when your biological clock with start ticking. For Martin, it was the day he met K.
(OK, fine, he met her months ago, but just keep reading.)

My husband will be a complete wimp if we have girls. I will need to take away his credit cards or we will have ponies and fairies in our back yard.
(Too far? Yeah, good point. Fairies aren't even real.)

This lady.

Yes, this lady. No matter what shes says, no matter what she does, no matter how many tattoos she adorns herself with. At the end of the day, she is a big sugary tart.

Sometimes you just need a lollipop to get moving again.