Thursday, October 9, 2008

Face facts

I'm sitting here crying. All because of the effort to get Google to create a special logo on World Diabetes Day on November 14th.

But not for the reason you might think.

I started off pissed off. What the hell is a petition going to do? How could we need more awareness about Type 1 diabetes and the current Type 2 diabetes epidemic? Every time I turn around I get smacked in the face with the fact that every day even more people become diabetic (frankly, it's getting quite crowded).

The fund raising, the runs, the telethons for a cure are all a big waste. Simply put: diabetics are a huge money making industry for the drug companies and they aren't going to give that up.

I was diagnosed 19 years ago with Type 1 diabetes. My doctor told me there would be a cure in 5 years. I'm tired of all the articles and news about new cures (that never work). I'm tired of being asked if I am still diabetic. (uh, hello...yes!)

So it finally occurred to me, about 2 minutes ago. I will not be cured.

I will not be cured of Type 1 diabetes.

So I cried. I cried because this imagined need for a cure has been haunting me from the back of my mind for 19 years, I cried because yes, I am flawed. My body is broken, it doesn't work like everyone else's. But you know what?

That's Ok.

I love my life. I love my self. I will manage my diabetes the way I always have. I will accept the fact that I will be diabetic all my life and I will move on. I will continue to sing my praises about my Animas insulin pump and continue to meet other diabetics and encourage them and I will stop thinking about a cure.

And I will die a diabetic and I'm taking my insulin pump with me.

---Special thanks to Jeff M. for irking me so much that I wrote this very therapeutic post.
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