Monday, August 3, 2009

Be An Attention Whore. (Or Not.)

As you know, I joined an online DVD swapping service called SwapADVD. Since I had some extra credits, and since I was curious, I ordered Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.


I knew that the DVD had zero aerobic attributes, I wanted to see the striptease part. I find Carmen Electra intoxicating at times, and I wanted to see if I could learn anything useful from her. And by god, I did.

Five Things I Learned From Carmen Electra
Subtitled: How To Make Sure Everyone Looks At You, You, You, All the Time.

1. Hi-light your favorite body parts with your clothing.

It's hard to ignore breasts that are clothed in a white top with a black mesh top very tightly layered over.

2. Put Your Hands Where You Want People To Look

She constantly moves her hands: in her hair, along the curves of her body, constantly, constantly, almost frantically moving them.

3. Need More Attention? Make Some Noise.
She makes you slap your butt at least 3,000 times in the video. At first, I was very annoyed by this but then realized that the noise immediately draws your attention.

4. Always Have A Plan
Everything she does, is choreographed. If she gets on the floor, she has a graceful way to get up. The only problem is, that once you realize this, she starts to resemble a really boring robot.

5. Music Makes It Complete
Watching the routines without the music is excruciating, and not just because she makes you do the routines over, and over,and over. Once the music is added, it becomes much more lifelike and convincing.

While I did learn some things from the DVD (gotta make everything edu-macational), I have no interest in pursuing them. So, I put the DVD back up on SwapADvd and someone has already requested it.

So, Jennifer C., good luck. I hope that Carmen doesn't bore you as much as she did me.
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